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Over the last year, my heart broke so many times, and in so many different places and ways. I learned how to mend it with bubble gum, with stardust, with my own spit.
I wrote hundreds of pages of poetry. Listened to music. Spent many, many compounded moments just sitting with all of it. Being with it … fighting it. Embracing it, applying compassion, digging in the wounds, healing the wounds, applying pressure, relaxing. Sitting in silence, watching the dancing tree leaves … it was truly one of the hardest and most beautiful years of my life.
I recently reconnected with an old friend in Europe that I hadn’t spoken with in 10 years - and he had gone through an almost identical experience. He shared that he expanded into new depths of compassion and empathy AND that he learned not to avoid pain — he learned to move toward and into it …
And I realized,yes, I too had developed a greater capacity to move into discomfort in a way that allowed experiences to transform me. I let go of resistance to pain. I developed the ability to sit with it, observe it, hold it, be with it - just be with it. I deepened into self-compassion and compassion for others.
I realized that although our instinct is to do the exact opposite … and that in most cases there is nothing to DO with intense emotions. No drastic actions or dramatic decisions to make. Just the healing power of time. Time and more time. Having a moment-to-moment awareness. Over and over again.
Lately I’m more and more convinced that the only way to evolve is to look at whatever pain arises within us without running away, distracting or numbing it. And in order to do that we need a huge dose of self-compassion.
There are so many issues that we carry:
Am I love-able?
Can I trust this person?
What if I get rejected?
What if a beloved dies or goes away?
Will I be left alone?
Will I have to face nothingness or intense pain, confusion and loss?
What if I love someone and they don’t love me back?
So many of these questions are not questions that we ask ourselves consciously; they reside beneath the surface of our awareness, secretly motivating how and why we do - or don’t do - certain things.
Watching myself and all of the LOTUSWEI team move through similar experiences of personal growth and maturation last year, taught me a lot about patience and our capacity to hold intensity of emotion. We can be containers of alchemy - with pressure, heat and steam - using the intensity to transform into something else.
I can imagine more clearly what it must be like for a caterpillar to self-melt its own body down into liquid in preparation for growing wings - changing its form 100% - save for a few cells that embody and anchor in a new operating system. We do the same thing. We disassemble ourselves and our beliefs. We return to our purest essence and embody new messages, information and healing. And through the process, we anchor it in to group consciousness, making it easier for all of us to shift.
When we are courageous enough to face the inevitable pain of loss and separation from those that we love (at some point it will happen), the easier it is for us + others around us to do the same - because we are all interconnected.
Experiencing hardship, struggling internally, wrestling with life is a swift path to spiritual growth. We expand our capacity to hold intense emotions and allow life to transform and mature us from the inside out - ripening our inner wisdom - sometimes even at a mind-blowing speed.
It seems to me like life is bringing a lot of us to our knees lately. As in … all the way down on our knees. In a way that makes us get real - really quick. We cut the crap. We get honest. We’re down-to-earth. In fact we’re right down there on the ground. We can’t get any lower. We hit our limit for intensity - and then just when we think we can’t take anymore, our capacity expands and we can.
As a result of seeing myself and everyone around me working with core wounds during this past year and continuing on through today, we created a new blend of flower essences to support us all in doing that.
Needless to say, it feels like the precise and perfect timing to release our new blend:
It’s funny, because it seemed that even in creating this new blend, we were forced to slow down and work with particular issues within ourselves. For example, we had to do more rounds of formulating than we ever have before. We got stuck. We fell in love. What we wanted wasn’t available, forever. A tree (and its magical oil) actually went extinct. WTH.
We had to start over. Go back to the drawing board. Scratch what we thought wasperfect and let. it. go. Each time as a team we explored new formulations for this blend, we came together. We got closer. We put the blends on different parts of our arms, wrists, elbows and smelled the blend on each other.We noticed how differently it smelled on each of us based on the breakdown of five elements in our bodies. On those of us with more fire element, it smells more spicy; those of us with more water element it smells “juicy”. We literally got into each other’s space and breathed in the natural scent of that funny little place where your arm bends to see what elements each of us had more of (what is it about the scent of one’s own body that is so intimate?).In one round of voting on what Fierce Compassion should smell like, we even talked about our mothers and our childhoods.
All of this to say -- a lot of care and attention goes into this process. Creating this Fierce Compassion collectively as a team offered us all a tremendous opportunity to build merit, because we put in lots of time and effort - dedicated to benefiting thousands of people, bringing you a little boost of courage, a shot of compassion, an elixir of“I feel you + I’m right there with you”.
After solidifying the new recipe, I got down on my knees into the deepest place in my heart and made a fiercely heartfelt prayer for humanity:
May we experience deeper love and compassion for each other.
May we transform fear of loss and rejection.
May we dissolve illusions of separation and unworthiness.
May we experience true intimacy, closeness and unconditional love.
I sincerely believe that this blend has been and continues to be life-changing, for myself and my team. The intention, of course, has always been that we start by healing ourselves so it ripples out to everyone.
So if you can’t already tell, we areso excited to share this! (And, we even have it in bath salts. Omg.)
Obviously, this is not just a sales letter, announcing some new product.
This is a call to action to awaken more compassion - within our own hearts, so we can develop more compassion for ourselves and others.
The more compassion we have for our own inner conflicts, the more smoothly we can allow it to move through us and transform us. Ultimately? The end result:
Love like the sky … without selfishness, attachment and fear. Love fearlessly and dive into new uncharted territories of unexpected intimacy and connection - with all kinds of people when we least expect it!
May the flower at your heart blossom + may it ripple out to all beings.
Love + flower petals,
